For most of my life I have been in an unhealthy relationship with my body, body image and my personal skewed self-narrative. In my teens and 20’s, I always tried to be smaller, thinner than my natural size and wrapped my value, worth and acceptance in my weight.
I know most women can relate, which is why I wanted to share about how I have come to true acceptance and love for my body.

I began paying attention to my how my body looked around the age 10-11 when my body really was starting to change, and I had gained weight as I was arriving at puberty. I had a significant growth spurt around 11 ½, I went from 5’7ish to 5’10 in just a few months. My first period arrived shortly after my 12th birthday. I found myself at the awkward stage of being so tall in 7th grade and that I had become self-conscious of my height. I found myself hunching over when walking between classes as I was towering over all the kids in my school.

I was 12 when was I scouted by a modeling agent; this is when my 15-year career began in the modeling industry. This is also when I started to develop my unhealthy, disordered relationship with my body and food. Dieting and restrictive eating was my norm when I started to go on castings (modeling interviews). I remember all the criticisms, your forehead is too big, your smile is too gummy, your nose is too bulbous, but the most consistent criticism was I was not thin enough. I was very naive in my early teens but I learned quickly to built a tough skin to stay somewhat grounded in an industry where models value is dependent on purely on external appearances. Though I had never desired to be a model, I began booking runway shows with Nieman Marcus and print work with catalogues consistently and generated a healthy income. I also really enjoyed building authentic relationships with some models, photographers, makeup artists and clients. I still have valued friends and mentors from when we met and worked together in my teens and throughout my career.

I had always struggled with academics; I was a very average student. It’s not that I didn’t apply myself, but I always found myself daydreaming, disengaged in class. I felt socially awkward , I preferred to spend time with older peers; my modeling career provided me with just that. I had the pleasure of working with some incredible women mentors that took me under their wing in the industry. These women along with my mom taught me the importance of integrity and work ethic. The foundation of my modeling career was built on me being responsible, reliable and consistent. Yes, my external appearance played a role, but I truly believe that my internal core values allowed for sustainability in my modeling career.

***the images above are from the age of 12 to my early 20’s. I wrote a blog post when I was 36, click here to read*** ***Be-YOU-tiful***

As I settled into working full-time, traveling to LA for castings and booked jobs, I eventually dropped out of school as I had too many absences. I began homeschooling so I could continue to travel for work. My modeling career took me to NY, Miami, LA, San Francisco and a brief stint in Milan, Italy. Certain brands had different size requirements, some designer sample sizes were 0-2 and others were 4-6. My agents would advise me when it would be a requirement for me to be smaller than my normal size. To drop down to size 2, I really had to limit my food intake. After the booking I would resume my “normal” eating routine. This unhealthy cycle was ongoing through my whole modeling career, from 12 to 27 years old. I eventually retired from the modeling industry in 2007 as I was done with my “yoyo/restrictive” dieting and just being seen externally. I found myself feeling disconnected to sense of self and an empty void within.

My mom began to sell her hand-crafted toffee at local farmers markets. I would help her with the markets, in production and fulfillment for a few years. I loved being creatively engaged. After retiring from my modeling career in 2007, I asked my mom if she would be open to allowing me to invest in the toffee biz and become her biz partner. My mom enthusiastically said, YES!

***Chapter 2: entrepreneurship…*** ***Goodytwos Toffee Company***

I loved being challenged and learning so many new things with running and operating a small biz with my mom, Donna. Creatively I was inspired, intellectually I was expanded and I loved the relationship building we curated with our loyal clientele and with our amazing employees and vendors. In this second chapter of my career, I felt a deeper sense of purpose and passion. No longer did I believe my size or my external presence defined my value. I had so much more to offer and contribute to Goodytwos. I did gain 15 pounds in the first 6 months of working in our small biz. Yes, I was sampling our toffee daily for quality control but I also allowed myself to eat whatever I wanted. I was rebellious with my food choices and consumption, I believe, simply because I could. I was also working 6-7 days a week for years, eating late hours and not prioritizing healthy food choices.

As I entered my 30’s, I was living to work, my work/home balance was nonexistent and I began feeling depleted; I had put so much of my energy into my career, but I did not pour energy back into myself. My emotional, physical and mental wellbeing were becoming compromised. As pressures with my small biz and in my marriage presented themselves to be too much to navigate on my own, I finally committed to working on myself with the much-needed support of my therapist. We began our work together, layer by layer we peeled back different versions of me. I realized I had wrapped so much up into my external successes, that I had completely lost all sense of self…who was I without these external validators? Then the biggest question that broke my heart wide open; my therapist asked, “when did you lose your worth?”…

I worked for years with my therapist; I also added some additional healing practitioners. Bit by bit, I would meet new parts of myself and I chose to prioritize building relationship to my authenticity and self worth. As I continued to hone my self-awareness and self-acceptance, I began to nourish a new relationship with my body and with food. Understanding that food is medicine and not wanting to revert to my old ways with overly controlled or mindless eating, I choose to eat intuitively. By honoring my body, allowance with what I consume and making sure I am not shaming myself if I do treat myself. I give myself permission to enjoy every satiating bite… guilt free. I also shifted into mostly whole food cooking at home, making sure nutrition is a part of my daily meals. I feel that I have a much healthier balance with my food choices by listening and honoring my body.

After 17 years co-owning and operating Goodytwos Toffee Company with my mom, we chose to hang up our toffee aprons… We sold our toffee business in 2021 to wonderfully aligned new owners. Goodytwos Toffee Company is now based in Tulsa, OK. goodytwos.com

As I continue to honor my body and my overall wellbeing, I am met with true acceptance and desire to love all parts of myself and my body. I hold my soft parts of my body and speak out loud “I love you belly, I love you thighs”. When I look in the mirror and find my mind wondering into self-judgment, I choose to shift my awareness and narrative, to loving my body. I have found speaking positive affirmations very supportive in honoring my body. In the beginning it did feel awkward, it takes constancy and commitment, soon it became easier and a sacred practice.

My journey with my body acceptance is ongoing just as my relationship to my authenticity and continuing to meet knew parts of myself.

Here’s to granting ourselves full permission to embrace our bodies, to feed our bodies with wholesome nutrition, and to nourish our bodies with an abundance of self-LOVE.

With love and light,

Stacey

Brand LOVE

Detox Desserts

Nutrition and dessert… seems like an oxymoron? I would like to introduce a food brand that I love and fully stand behind, Detox Desserts.

DD makes it easy for you to turn your favorite desserts into nutrient-dense superfoods in your kitchen. SO how do Detox Desserts work? Dr. Alexis created the most incredible swaps for egg, butter, flour and sugar with her Detox Dessert brand. It’s a simple process to incorporate DD into your favorite cookie recipe, all you do is swap you egg, sugar etc. with DD swap… and just like that, you have a nutrient dense baked goodness that will satiate any sweet tooth. The Detox Dessert website has an abundance of recipes that are easy to follow using the DD swaps and you can order all the Detox Dessert swaps easily online.

Below is more information to really digest how incredible Detox Desserts brand is…

Physician-created, 1:1 ingredient swaps designed to transform desserts and bring sweetness into your healthy lifestyle. -DD

Detox Desserts uses 100% clean, whole-food ingredients that support healthy cholesterol levels, promote bowel regularity and healthy digestion, boost metabolism and prevent overeating. Did we mention they also taste delicious? -DD
Food should taste and feel good, and most importantly, dessert should never be restricted. -DD
Improves digestion| High in fiber| Prevent overeating| Vegan| Non GMO| Kosher| Paleo| Sugar free - DD