Addiction

Written By Stacey Barnes

I am very familiar with addiction, I know the hurt, the pain, confusion, abandonment, heart-break addiction causes loved ones. My sister and I grew up with addiction in our family system, we experienced all the ways in which addiction can fracture the family, particularly our innocent young hearts.  Abandonment would be my truest experience that I know to the depth of my core from addiction of a loved one.

“Addiction defined: The continued compulsive use of a drug or behavior despite harm to self and or others.”
— Anna, Lembke, MD

Being in relationship with the energy of addiction as a child, I developed acute sensitivity to bringing in regulation into the relational/home environment, with hopes that if all was good, maybe our family would be chosen over alcohol. I was too young to understand that addiction wasn’t my fault, that no matter how perfect, all loving everyone is; it’s up to the addict themselves to choose a different path forward. This is something I have struggled with understanding all the way into my adulthood. Through my own healing journey, I have now learned to accept the truth of a loved one afflicted with addiction (with strong boundaries), that it is not my job to fix, change or save someone from addiction. Acceptance of addiction isn’t giving up on someone… Acceptance releases you from the attachment of someone’s outcome with addiction.

It is important to not let shame, judgment keep addiction hidden and to shine light on the darkness that consumes most families in some way. The more we share about addiction, the less camouflaged addiction becomes. Shame and guilt can keep addiction hidden, addiction thrives in secrecy, denial and stays active through manipulative ways through lies, deceit with those in relationship with the addict and to the addict themselves.

My beloved sister just lost her estranged husband, the father of her 2 children to his battle with alcohol addiction.

Below, I am sharing my sister’s photo with her courageous and vulnerable words that she posted on her FB in regards to loss, the struggle with a loved one consumed by addiction.

Dates are important:

  • 3/27/24 I found: a printed email I wrote to Nate, my wedding shoes, and wedding rings

  • 10/21/2017: Our wedding and the last time I wore my wedding shoes

  • 7/20/2018: Daniel Silas Weaver was born

  • 2/29/2020: Hannah Lois Weaver was born

  • 6/29/2020: my email to Nate after his first relapse

  • 7/5/2023: I took my wedding rings off and left Nate after I realized Nate had his 5th relapse

  • 3/8/2024: Last activity on Nathan’s phone

  • 3/21/2024: Nathan lost his battle with alcohol addiction and I was notified Nathan went to be with Jesus

I pray that Gods light still shines through this time, that this brings us closer to God, and that He uses this suffering for His glory to bring awareness to others struggling with addiction, drawing them closer to The Healer.  

If you are struggling, there is healing in Christ. If you are struggling, call your sponsor, attend a meeting, and do not give into temptation because you might not have a tomorrow. Hold on to your loved ones, stay strong and close to Him, let’s fight addiction….

I join my sister in shining light on addiction. 

If you or a loved one is struggling with addiction, please know you are not alone. There are support systems, groups, meetings out there for addicts and families affected by addiction. I have included a few supportive and educational resources below.

Addiction resources:

FAMILY/FRIENDS affected by addicts RECORCES:

POD CASTS- ON ADDICTION & RECOVERY:

 
“Not every story has a happy ending, … but the discoveries of science, the teachings of the heart, and the revelations of the soul all assure us that no human being is ever beyond redemption. The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists. How to support that possibility in others and in ourselves is the ultimate question.”
— Gabor Maté

With Love and light,

Stacey

Stacey Barnes https://www.onwordjourneys.com
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