Body Love: Healing My Relationship With Body Image, Food, and Self-Worth
A personal reflection on body image, restrictive eating, intuitive nourishment, and learning to love my body with greater compassion
For most of my life, I have been in an unhealthy relationship with my body, body image, and the skewed self-narrative I carried within. In my teens and twenties, I was always trying to be smaller than my natural size, wrapping my value, worth, and acceptance around my weight.
I know many women can relate to this, which is why I feel called to share how I have come into a truer relationship with my body—one rooted in acceptance, nourishment, and self-love.
My Early Relationship With My Body
I began paying close attention to my body around the age of 10 or 11, when it was beginning to change and I had gained weight as I entered puberty. Around age 11 ½, I had a significant growth spurt and went from about 5’7” to 5’10” in just a few months. My first period arrived shortly after my 12th birthday.
At that age, I found myself in an awkward stage of feeling incredibly self-conscious about my height. I remember hunching over while walking between classes because I towered over most of the kids in school. I felt exposed in my body rather than at home in it.
Modeling and the Beginning of an Unhealthy Pattern
I was 12 when I was scouted by a modeling agent, and that is when my 15-year career in the modeling industry began. It is also when I started to develop an unhealthy and disordered relationship with both my body and food.
Dieting and restrictive eating quickly became normal for me as I began attending castings. I remember the criticisms clearly: my forehead was too big, my smile too gummy, my nose too bulbous—but the most consistent criticism was that I was not thin enough.
I was very naive in my early teens, but I learned quickly how to build a tough exterior in order to stay somewhat grounded in an industry where value is often placed almost entirely on outward appearance.
the images above are from the age of 12 to my early 20’s. I wrote a blog post when I was 36, click here to read Be-YOU-tiful
Even though I had never desired to be a model, I began booking runway shows with Nieman Marcus and consistent print work with catalogues. I generated a healthy income, and I also truly enjoyed the authentic relationships I built with some models, photographers, makeup artists, and clients. Many of those people remain valued friends and mentors to this day.
The Parts of Me That Were Always More Than My Appearance
Academics had always been a struggle for me. It was not that I did not apply myself—I often found myself daydreaming and disengaged in class. I felt socially awkward and naturally gravitated toward older peers, which my modeling career provided.
At the same time, I had the privilege of working with incredible women mentors in the industry who took me under their wing. These women, along with my mom, taught me the importance of integrity, reliability, and work ethic.
The foundation of my modeling career was not built on appearance alone. Yes, my external image played a role, but I believe what truly created sustainability for me was my internal core—being responsible, prepared, consistent, and respectful in my work.
External Success and Internal Disconnection
As I settled into modeling full-time, traveling to Los Angeles for castings and booked jobs, I eventually left traditional school because I had too many absences. I transitioned into homeschooling so I could continue traveling for work.
My modeling career took me to New York, Miami, Los Angeles, San Francisco, and even briefly to Milan, Italy. Different brands had different size requirements. Some designer sample sizes were 0–2, while others were 4–6. My agents would advise me when I needed to be smaller than my natural size.
To drop down to a size 2, I had to significantly restrict my food intake. After a booking, I would return to my more normal way of eating. This cycle repeated itself throughout my entire modeling career—from age 12 to 27.
Eventually, I retired from the modeling industry in 2007. I was exhausted by the yoyo and restrictive dieting, and I was tired of being seen only for my external presence. Beneath it all, I felt deeply disconnected from myself and aware of an empty void within.
A New Chapter: Entrepreneurship and Food Freedom
Around that time, my mom began selling her handcrafted toffee at local farmers markets. I helped her with the markets, production, and fulfillment for a few years, and I loved being creatively engaged.
After retiring from modeling, I asked my mom if she would be open to me investing in the business and becoming her partner. She enthusiastically said yes.
I loved being challenged and learning so many new things while co-owning and operating a small business with my mom. Creatively, I felt inspired. Intellectually, I felt stretched and expanded. I also deeply valued the relationships we built with loyal customers, employees, and vendors.
Chapter 2: entrepreneurship… Goodytwos Toffee Company
In this second chapter of my career, I felt a deeper sense of purpose and passion. I no longer believed my size or external image defined my value. I knew I had so much more to offer.
And yet, even within this new chapter, I found myself swinging into another imbalance.
I gained 15 pounds within the first six months of working in our business. Yes, I was tasting toffee regularly for quality control, but I was also allowing myself to eat whatever I wanted. In many ways, my food choices felt rebellious—I believe simply because I could. I was also working 6–7 days a week for years, eating late, and not prioritizing nourishing food choices.
The Question That Changed Everything
As I entered my 30s, I was living to work. My work-life balance was nearly nonexistent, and I began to feel depleted. I had poured so much energy into my career, but I was not pouring that energy back into myself.
My emotional, physical, and mental well-being were all being compromised.
As the pressures of business ownership and my marriage became too much to navigate alone, I finally committed to doing deeper inner work with the support of a therapist.
Layer by layer, we peeled back different versions of me.
I came to realize how much of my identity had been wrapped around external success and validation. Somewhere along the way, I had lost a real sense of self.
Then my therapist asked me a question that broke my heart wide open:
“When did you lose your worth?”
That question stayed with me.
And in many ways, it changed everything.
Learning a New Relationship With Food and My Body
I worked with my therapist for years, and I also brought in additional healing practitioners along the way. Bit by bit, I met new parts of myself, and I began to consciously prioritize my relationship with authenticity and self-worth.
As my self-awareness and self-acceptance deepened, I also began to nourish a new relationship with my body and with food.
I came to understand food as medicine, but I also knew I did not want to return to my old patterns of control, restriction, or mindless eating. Instead, I began choosing a more intuitive way of nourishing myself.
That meant:
honoring my body
allowing myself to enjoy what I eat
releasing shame around food
giving myself permission to experience each satisfying bite without guilt
making whole, nourishing foods part of my everyday life
I have found that listening to my body, rather than controlling it, has brought me into a much healthier and more loving balance.
Body Love as a Sacred Practice
As I continue honoring my body and overall well-being, I find myself met with a deeper desire to love all parts of myself—including the softer parts of my body.
There are moments when I literally place my hands on my belly or my thighs and say out loud, “I love you belly, I love you thighs.”
When I look in the mirror and notice my mind drifting into self-judgment, I choose to shift my awareness and my inner narrative toward love.
Positive affirmations have become a meaningful support in this practice of honoring my body. In the beginning, it felt awkward. It took consistency and commitment. But over time, it became easier—and eventually, sacred.
An Ongoing Relationship With Self-Acceptance
My journey with body acceptance is ongoing, just as my relationship with authenticity is ongoing. I am continually meeting new parts of myself, and I believe this is part of what it means to live in relationship with your body rather than in opposition to it.
Here’s to granting ourselves full permission to embrace our bodies, to nourish ourselves with wholesome food, and to offer our bodies the abundance of self-love they deserve.
Questions for Reflection
What does body love really mean?
Body love does not always mean feeling perfect or confident every day. Often, it means choosing to meet your body with compassion, respect, and care instead of judgment.How does self-worth affect body image?
When self-worth becomes tied to appearance, weight, or external validation, body image often suffers. Healing begins when worth is rooted more deeply in who you are rather than how you look.What is intuitive nourishment?
Intuitive nourishment is the practice of listening to your body’s needs with more trust and awareness. It involves honoring hunger, satisfaction, nutrition, and pleasure without falling into harsh control or shame.Can body acceptance be an ongoing journey?
Yes. Body acceptance is rarely a one-time destination. It is often a continuing relationship—one that asks for patience, presence, and compassion over time.
From my heart to yours…
To you who are reading, thank you for being here and for taking in this share with your presence and your heart. If any part of this reflection mirrors your own journey with body image, food, or self-worth, I hope you know you are not alone. Healing our relationship with our bodies can be tender, layered, and deeply personal work, and I honor the courage it takes to even begin. May this be a gentle reminder that your body is worthy of love, your story is worthy of compassion, and your healing is worthy of time.
With love and light,
Stacey