Emotional Attunement
I am and always have been a sensitive and emotional child, adolescent, and adult. When I was younger I sensed my emotions to be a lot for others, not so much myself as I didn’t know any difference. Some of my loved ones could embrace my heighted emotions and for some others, my emotions were just all consuming. I remember my great grandpa saying my tears were as big as “horse turds” and we both would laugh. My Mom always held space for my emotions, though am sure it was a lot to have such a sensitive child; I am forever grateful for the way that my mom sees me fully and encourages me to be just as I am.
As I got older, I became more aware that if I tone down my emotions, I felt more accepted overall. As I entered my early teens, I had learned how to hide my emotions and only emote where I felt safe. This was the beginning of me disconnecting from my authenticity. In my 20’s I became like a well-oiled machine with armoring up and not letting my emotions interfere in my life. I became disconnected from my sensitive ways. I began working at 12, I married at 22, I was 28 when I joined my mom in co-creating our small business together; Goodytwos Toffee Company. I thought this “adulting” required being stoic, strong, and steady. I literally remember receiving advice from a business consultant, his spoken words; “business is black and white and not emotional”. I also remember digesting his words and literally feeling my emotions bubble into my throat. Once he left, I released my emotional confusion to my mom, as she does so innately, she held the safe space for my self-expression. My Mom and I chose to go against the norm and we added our hearts intention to our business. Our toffee company tag line was, doubly inspired toffees, hand-crafted with double dose of vitamin “L-O-V-E”.
In my early 30’s I experienced what felt like an internal earthquake, so disruptive that I felt I lost all sense of self, I felt emotional overwhelm and a vast emptiness. A good friend advised me to seek professional help and guidance through individual talk therapy. In this safe space I slowly began to allow myself to feel my emotions again. I began to not only feel safe to emote, but I began rebuilding my relationship with my emotions. I learned that my sensitivities are my gift. I choose to attune my emotions with healthy discernment and bit by bit, I honed my emotional intelligence, integrity and reconnected to my authentic self.
“an emotion is a complex psychological state that involves three distinct components: a subjective experience, a physiological response, and a behavioral or expressive response.”
I now honor my emotions; I have learned how to emotionally self-regulate. There are still plenty of times that I feel my emotions feel overwhelming but instead of disconnecting from my emotions, I utilize tools like breath work, getting out in nature and moving my energy, writing down my feelings and allowing the emotional surge to move through and then I get curious… and do my best to remove judgment. I simply allow for space and presence for my emotions.
Following my integral calling, I am now a certified Zura Health and wellness coach. The 1:1 guidance work I offer with my clients is in full service to their emotional wellbeing. By holding the safe reflective space, my clients become more present with their emotions from past to present. Curiosity is an integral thread allowing individuals to reconnect to their innate and authentic essence. The attuned emotional pathways connect to our heart where empathy, compassion, and our all-loving source. If you would like to learn more about my coaching services, please click here 1:1 sessions.
Emotional Vocabulary
Core emotions are meant to inform us about our environment so we live as adaptively as possible.
They are: fear, grief, excitement, anger, disgust
Inhibitory emotions preserve connection by overriding core emotional expression. Sometimes we block core emotions to get along with others and sometimes we block core emotions because they overwhelm us.
They are: anxiety, shame, guilt
Defense; anything we do to avoid feeling core or inhibitory emotions — defenses are emotional protection.
Examples: spiritual bypassing, overeating, overexercising, technology, vagueness, perfectionism, people-pleasing, laughing, sarcasm, ruminating, worrying, changing the subject
